Over the past few months, I am rapidly learning that I do not speak my native language.
It began with relative strangers, so naturally, I assumed it was their terrible comprehending skills.
Now even those closest to me hear, "I'm going to take a nap," as "Garffllapppfgrpsshhhh?"
My very best friend and I had the following discussion via text, for example:
ME: You ever feel like you are about to make an epic mistake, but are powerless to do anything but make it, so you can learn?
J: Whatcha up to, babygirl?
ME: Riding the bus. Writing bad poetry (I resisted the urge to follow that with, "With a crazy kind of urgency." In the hopes of not being confusing. I should've typed it.)
J: What kind of mistakes you getting ready to make?
ME: Just thinking. My brain is on hyperdrive. Everyone can spot a mistake in hindsight... what if you could see it coming and let it happen?
J: We do that all the time. We call it self-destruction, right?
ME: Nah, that's not what I mean... not like planned mistake making based on crazy brain. I mean I guess a solemn determination to test life.
J: That makes no sense to me!
ME: I apparently no longer speak english. No one understands what I say anymore.
J: Haha. Awww. rough Monday, babygirl?
ME: Nah, this shit has been going on for months. Pretty soon I'm just gonna babble and throw my own feces.
J: I'll still love you!
ME: You are required to, because I keel you otherwise.