Wednesday, January 25, 2012

On Copy Machine Tyranny

Ordering Copier Toner- Old Regime:

I call, I say my six digit serial number VERY CLEARLY.
They transfer me to Tiffany in Jamaica (no joke.)
She confirms my name, location and number, while saying the  phrase, "by the way" far too often. I don't have the heart to explain that "by the way" isn't a lead-in phrase.
One minute later, I have a confirmation that cyan/magenta/yellow toner is zooming towards me... within three days.

Ordering Copier Toner- New Regime:

Call 800 number. Follow several prompts until I reach a human. Give the human my serial number. Human tells me I need to call my local office. Gives me local office, and representatives name.
Call local office, which disavows any knowledge of said representative, and also my machine. Offers to take a message. I leave a message.


I call again, and get processed through a phone tree, which directs me to a website.
I try to order toner through the website, which directs me to the same 800 number.
I call the 800 number again and get the following-

PRESS 1 for for supplies under a contract
If you have an all-inclusive contract, press 1
If you would like supplies, press 1
Press 1 for supplies under a contract
To order supplies, please see our website.......

At which point, my head exploded.  Luckily, my brains are cyan, magenta, and yellow, so my co-workers were able to restock the machine with them nicely.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Digs- A List!

You know how some people say, "Out with the old, in with the new," when January rolls around?

I decided to take that to the max, because I'm hardcore like that and say, "Eff my old apartment and my hometown- I'm out!"**

**which really sounded more like "I love you" "I love you too" "let's live together!" "hell yeah!" "Yay" "SMOOCHSMOOCHSMOOCH"... but you get the picture...

Soooo, I'm moving. My last few moves consisted of:

- Hey, we have no stuff. Let's put our clothes on the carpet and search craigslist!
- Hi Mormons! we have no one to help move our stuff... Hey, THANKS, Mormons!
- Um, I'm 8 months pregnant and need help moving... oh, you have a videogame to play? Cool, I'll just be out here throwing my back out...
- Hey, thanks Marine Corps, for moving all our crap.
- Hey, thanks Marine Corps, for moving all our crap.
- Hey, thanks Marine Corps, for moving all our crap.

So I find that with my limited experience moving, I am thinking all sorts of thoughts and finding out new things about the process all day.  Things like:

1. My mom can probably carry a water buffalo on one shoulder.
2. I own more jackets than one human being should.
3. There is nothing quite so satisfying as laying on your new carpet for the first time, before koolaid and hair balls have a chance to sully the experience.
4. If two people are moving to the same place- they should get walkie-talkies. Sure, it would prolly make communication smoother... but also FREAKING walkie-talkies!
5. This:

6. I am now 98% certain that while I sleep, mischievous gnomes come into my place, and leave belongings. What else would explain how I amassed as many belongings as an entombed Egyptian king, in only a mere 34 years?
7. I am now co-owner of a Costco account. I'm pretty sure that's more legally binding than marriage.
8. I am already plotting pillow fights and hide and go seek bouts and art nights in and bad movie night and drunken Trivial Pursuit matches... and we'll have fun when the boychild is there too.
9. I can already imagine how we'll decorate for next Christmas, and hope we get Trick or Treaters on Halloween.
10. It's an adventure that I'm glad I have such an amazing partner to share it with.